A question many carry quietly
A question put to a scholar asked whether a person who bullied a classmate years ago must also seek forgiveness from that classmate’s parents, since it was the parents who had complained to the school at the time. The question is a common one: a wrong done in youth, long regretted, and a person unsure who exactly is owed what. The published answer approaches it with mercy and with care, and its reasoning offers useful lessons for any of us who carry something similar.
The right belongs to the one who was harmed
The answer explains that the wrong here was owed to the classmate himself. The parents certainly felt real distress, and their complaint to the school was guardians doing what guardians do. But, the answer reasons, distress felt on behalf of someone else does not become a separate claim of its own: nothing of theirs was taken, and nothing of their own honour was attacked. On this reasoning, settling the matter with the classmate is what settles it.
Underneath that specific point sits a wider principle the answer draws on: a wrong against Allah alone is lifted by sincere repentance, while a wrong against another person is only fully lifted when the right is also returned to the one who holds it. Bullying belongs to the second category, and the one who holds the right is the person who was harmed.
When approaching directly would do fresh harm
The answer then turns to something deeply practical. Seeking the wronged person’s pardon is the general rule where it can be done cleanly. But where approaching him, or his family, would reopen a wound that has closed, expose what Allah has since concealed, or cause new harm, the direct approach falls away. The answer observes that turning up at a former classmate’s parents’ door years later is close to the very case such an exception exists to prevent.
This is a valuable distinction for us: repentance is not the same as forcing a confrontation. The goal is to put the matter right, not to relieve our own discomfort at someone else’s expense.
Steps the answer sets out
The answer suggests a simple path. First, if the classmate can be reached simply and without drama, tell him plainly that you wronged him and ask his forgiveness, keeping it short. Second, if he cannot be reached, or reaching him would disturb him, stop there and do not force it — the answer cites a narration urging people to settle wrongs while there is still time, and notes that one seeks that release by the means open to one, and no more is asked. Third, ask Allah for him by name in your supplication. Fourth, give charity on his behalf, however small. Fifth, say nothing to the parents, since nothing is owed there on this reasoning.
Practical lessons for us
Several lessons stand out. Naming honestly what we did is itself the hardest part, and the answer treats that honesty as a sign of mercy rather than a cause for despair. Repentance involving the rights of others has a shape: acknowledge the wrong, return the right where possible, and where the direct route would cause harm, turn to supplication and good done on the person’s behalf. Restraint is part of repair — discretion protects the person we harmed as much as ourselves. And there is a warning against over-scrupulous worry: once the steps open to us are taken, the matter is to be closed and left closed, not endlessly re-opened.
A note on this reflection
This is a general reflection for the community, not a ruling, and it is not a substitute for asking a qualified scholar about your own particular circumstances. The answer summarised here addresses one specific question; your situation may differ in details that matter. If something from your past still weighs on you, speak with a trustworthy local scholar or imam who can consider your case properly, and take comfort that the answer describes a person who still remembers a wrong from school as someone Allah has not turned away from.
Source for this reflection: Must I Seek Forgiveness from the Parents of a Classmate I Bullied? — SeekersGuidance.
This is an educational reflection based on the linked source, not a fatwa. Please review before publication.